Pills Don’t Teach Skills

One month since my last post, I’ve been bad….sorry.

ADD poses challenges to many people and one of the many possible impacts on an individual can be communication. Differences in perception and communication style make communicating very challenging at the best of times. Everyone sees what goes on around us in different ways, especially in relationships.

We can’t manage what we can’t see. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a mind reader and I can’t see the feelings or thoughts of another person by closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. I need to take the time to see into the thoughts and feelings of others when I communicate, by listening and most importantly…by talking. Asking questions and probing below the surface is a must. It allows us to go a little deeper and reduces the chances of not understanding something we don’t understand, by assuming. I have a saying that I have used for years, assumption is the root of all that can go wrong.

One of the common traits of ADD, is a lack of patience. Patience in a virtue, an age old saying most people have heard. Most people in general, want the end result or outcome to occur right now!

Like many others, when we seek change we get caught up in the outcome too often. It’s kind of like putting the apple cart before the horse. We can’t get to the outcome until we take the necessary steps to get there. That natural tendency to become impatient and want the outcome to happen kicks in for so many people. Suddenly, many people find themselves trying to force an outcome, too soon. When we force the outcome, our actions usually force results that are incomplete. As an example, if you rush through a task to get to the outcome, chances are you will take a short cut and make a mistake. The end result, a forced outcome with less than expected results.

This tendency to force an outcome holds true in every aspect of our lives, whether it be friendship, love, work or the simplest task around the house. We all need to detach from the outcome, exercise some patience and focus on the required steps to achieve the outcome we set as a goal. If we all remove the outcome from the process, the steps we take along the way should deliver the outcome you desire.

I originally posted the below in November of 2005 titled, Take A Step Back (Self Awareness). In have managed to get such a positive benefit from this practice in my life, I wanted to re-post the article. I’m not running out of things to say, I just think if it delivered such value to me, it might help other ADD’ers too. Also, seems as I am recycling an old post, I felt like I was dong my part for the environment! LOL! OK, I might be pushing it there

Take A Step Back (Self Awareness) - Most people with ADD share a common trait, they just don’t know when or how to slow down. On the positive side, this trait is a big part of many entrepreneurs, offers a tremendous amount of drive to people’s efforts and creates that energy inside that keeps you going. On the down side, it also leads to burn out and becoming ineffective as a result. Somewhere in the middle lies that “happy medium”.

I have discovered that place through the ability to “Take A Step Back”. Take A Step Back” is the phrase I developed and practiced with my ADD coach Pete Quily. It is about developing the self awareness to realize that in the process or working, leisure, exercise or what ever I may be doing, I have a breaking point. It is at that breaking point where people either succeed by understanding what their limitations are, or fail because they are not aware of them. This is when you have to recognize that place in time and, “Take A Step Back”.

Here is a great example. Just last week I had been working very hard, I had been out on a couple 10k runs, had been to the gym and was also doing my job as a father with two young kids. For me, this is usually part of my normal routine. However, I was starting to feel like I was coming down with a slight cold…… you know those sniffles and that something in the back of your throat. This was that point in time for me to realize that although it was another scheduled running day, I needed to “Take A Step Back” and relax with some warm tea, a blanket and turn my mind and body off. In the past I would have tried to push through, however through practicing that self awareness to regulate myself, I realized I was at my breaking point and did something about it.

In the past, I would not have had this self awareness and would have pushed too hard, and developed a full blown cold. I would have been sick for a week, or more. This obviously would have impacted my ability to work, be a father and participate properly in the many other activities and jobs that are part of life for a week or so. Try it out, engrain that thought of “Take A Step Back” in your mind and practice it. It really works!

Very interesting article today in the Vancouver Sun, focusing on the lack of medical resources to help treat Adult ADHD. A few article points include:
- The disorder is costing more than $500 million a year in health, education and justice system costs
- “We want the government to have a treatment strategy for dealing with this as a public health issue.”
- People with undiagnosed ADHD are also more likely to commit crimes, abuse drugs or alcohol, and have unplanned pregnancies, according to a report released in February by the BCMA.

Here is the link, please take a moment to read the article: CLICK HERE

The old To-Do list, some live by it and some have never used one. The concept of writing down the things you need to accomplish helps to keep us organized and not forget. I’m living proof that a guy with ADD can manage just fine. However, one of the challenges I have experienced regularly, is when my To-Do list gets too big. When the list gets too big, I lose focus on priorities and get lost in the overwhelming feeling of having too much to handle. If you have ADD, I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.

As my days became a steady stream of never ending To-Do’s, I soon realized that reprioritizing was only so effective. Building a list of To-Do’s is easy, executing and following through with the completion of that list is where the challenge lies.

For me, the scheduling of a To-Do has proven to be the key step in completing a task. By setting a time in my Outlook calendar, it also synchronizes to my Blackberry. No matter where I am, I get my reminder to complete my To-Do task.

By scheduling times to complete my To-Do’s, I accomplish the following 5 things:
1. No panic/tension
2. I leave my self enough time within my schedule to stay organized and focused
3. I’m rewiring my brain to think and function more efficiently
4. I’m actually getting things done
5. I’m so efficient with my tasks and time management, I actually fool people when I tell them I have ADD

Take a page out of my book and try scheduling your To-Do’s, it makes life a whole lot more smoother and enjoyable.

For an ADD’er, accepting change can be challenging. However, the acceptance I am referring to is centered around health. As we are all aware, many people with ADD don’t do a very good job of managing their off switch, or slowing down when they need to. I tend to go full speed ahead and lose sight of when I need to slow down and turn it off.

This past January and February I was sick with a very challenging head and chest cold. It worsened and I ended up having to go on antibiotics. I was sick and thought I could still tackle the world. I was frustrated with not being at my normal levels of productivity. My challenge with not being able to turn myself off or slow down, saw me regress slightly this week and end up getting sick again.

It was at this point I realized, trying to be aware of when my off switch needed to be flicked wasn’t enough. I needed a plan to help me achieve it. I am a big user of Microsoft Outlook. I also have a Blackberry that synchronizes to my Outlook calendar. I came up with a scheduling plan that I would implement when I started feeling run down, which in my case is a direct result of not slowing down. I created reminders in Outlook over the next two weeks to slow down and take breaks, reduce my work load and ensure that I wasn’t trying to do too much. I’ll also be taking my “to do list” and tackling only 50% of it daily, instead of trying to do it all.

Like a racer you need to pace yourself. An ADD’er needs structure and a plan to rebound and get back to where you were. We need to accept that and use a plan to get through it. Listen to what your body says, and accept it.

Just read Zoe Kessler’s article ADHD for Adults: Finally, a guide for grownups online at MORE’s website, the link is below.

I have read and absorbed a lot of information over the past number of years and I think this is one of the best articles I’ve read in a long time. The article offers a great personal side to the story, detail on recognizing ADHD, fighting the ADHD stigma, finding help, resources and a lot of great information. Please, take a few minutes out of your day to read this.

http://www.more.ca/body-and-mind/self-and-spirit/adhd-for-adults/a/20279

Considering I hate coffee (sorry Starbucks), the title of this post is kind of ironic. For you coffee fanatics, I’m not a coffee discriminator. I actually love the smell of coffee! We’ve likely all heard the saying, wake up and smell the coffee, or the roses. No matter what version you’ve heard, if you are familiar with ADD you likely know that most ADD’ers are challenged to slow down and enjoy things in life and small that coffee.

Like a lot of people with ADD, I find myself moving and thinking at the speed of sound. While the amount of productivity, creativity and accomplishment can be great, I do have to work on slowing down and taking in some of the enjoyment and pleasure that surrounds me.

We tend to keep on pushing, nose to the grind-stone, never slowing down. Taking the time to be aware of what we have achieved and celebrate our accomplishments needs to be done. I have recently started to stop everything I am doing for a moment and think about some of life’s rewards, like a business accomplishment or moment with my kids. I’ll close my eyes and simply think about my accomplishment. All of a sudden, there is a smile on my face, I’m relaxed, the tension of the day melts away and I can feel that loose relaxed feeling in my shoulders.

What ever accomplishment or life reward you have earned deserves your attention on occasion. After all, what’s the point of achieving goals and rewards if we don’t take some time to enjoy it.

Living in the present, what the heck does that mean? I’ll use compassion as an example. Some people with ADD can be close-minded to opening their thoughts beyond what they see in front of them. As a specific example, I could be a little more compassionate some times and I work on improving that. By no means am I a cold heartless individual, quite the opposite in fact.

I developed a little exercise that gets me thinking outside the box on a more compassionate level. When I find myself forming an opinion on a person I ask myself…..is this really who this person is or what I am seeing? By questioning what I see instead of judging, I open my self up to the many possibilities that are below the surface. By asking my self why is a person acting or speaking a certain way, it starts that thought process of more internal questions that leads me to a place where I realize I can’t judge or even begin to think I understand what is in front of me. By opening my mind, I am then living in the present. In doing so, a more compassionate side of me comes out.

For many people with ADD, they tend to combat their challenges with substances like alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, prescriptions, pain medication, nicotine, and other drugs. When a person uses these substances to improve or to try and feel better, it is now referred to as self medicating.

I’ve heard this being referred to as “putting out fire with gasoline”. While self medicating seems to do the job at first, it is not a proper or viable long term solution to managing ADD. It can lead to substance abuse and addictions. It can also lead to developing a false sense of self, which obviously will lead to other bigger issues too.

Having said all of this, there is one self medicating process that I found successful in managing ADD…..exercise!! Being active with an exercise plan that best meets your needs and capabilities, increases dopamine in the brain and delivers many other health benefits.